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Driver

by adult mom

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1.
Passenger 03:16
You’re a passenger in my car But just the pretended parts That I sing to in the dark You’re a lover, I am not And that’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you When I started to fall out of love Put my arms out extended and tried to catch it all When I finally opened my hands up I’m sorry, I wasn’t fast enough Do you remember Your hand on my shoulder In the car in december Driving to my parent’s house On the cusp of the state line New England to Westchester On the cusp of loving And resenting each other I was a passenger in your car And now I’m ghost who won’t Answer a call I was a lover that you were not And that’s why I left you That’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you
2.
Wisconsin 02:50
Last night I dreamt I was still in love with her and It felt funny, strange, like deja vu To you again, how weird Last night our knees kissed On the couch of your parent’s basement Your arm brushed mine as you Reaching over me to grab your water What does that mean? Do you want me? I’ve seen light creep Out the sides of your eyes At midnight The other day we drove through Wisconsin and I was not afraid Have you ever seen grass so green I’d like to show you many things What would it mean If I did need it? Sometimes I think That I don’t need it And then my phone blinks A message from you “Hello again”
3.
Breathing 03:14
I am isolating, I get my communication From an overdue hospital bill I can’t afford to pay so I hide it Under a stack of things I’d rather not Yet deal with I bury into another show Stream into my head and eyes Watch as I die Touch and go My finger’s on my pulse My hands are stretched Underneath my nose Watch me fold My finger’s on the response message Watching the cursor float I am isolating in every corner of my house It’s not pretty and it feels like I’m locked In myself Did you expect me to get on my knees And beg for you? Let’s cut a deal Let me know If I’m alive or if I’ve choked I can’t see your face So I just go and guess if I’m breathing Touch and go My finger’s on my pulse My hands are stretched Underneath my nose To see if I’m breathing I take a step and collapse I’ll never understand it I’ll never see you again Is this the way you planned it? I am nothing special Just an emotional vessel So covers up Hide myself
4.
Berlin 03:20
You flee when it’s hard And I stay put You say you’re a bird But you’re flying east for winter And I won’t tell you not to go You won’t hear it anyway But what are you going towards? Is it something you can’t say? Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof (x2) Today marks the 6th year From when I first met you A stranger gave us a beer In the hallway of the bathroom And we drank it real slow I was just tryna get to know you In the dorm room we sang “Violet” by Hole Screaming off our youth Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof (x4) And it’s the sole burden of our excuse The push and pull The call missed The waiting room And if you go at least give me a reason I will sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof You were in the dark of Berlin Watching snow piling I am in the dark of Berlin’s shadow And I am wallowing
5.
Sober 02:57
You’ve been sober now For a few days and I bet that it helps You to not send me a text That says you love me still The only thing that I’ve done This month is drink beer Masturbate, and ignore Phone calls from you What else am I supposed to do? Because the last image of you I remember Is your hunched over back on the side of the bed Telling me that I shouldn’t leave And I didn’t wanna lie I guess When you asked me if I loved you less In the passenger side of my car So I didn’t respond And the last image of me you remember Is my hunched over back on the driver’s side Begging you to get out when you said that You wanted to die Can’t you see that’s the kind of shit I can’t be the one to decide? But if you asked me now, I’d want you alive It’s a chilling confidence that I don’t need you anymore But you knew that, i’m sure Honesty broke the glass of the bottle That I struck at the door When I couldn’t do this any longer Now I don’t even think of you When I am sober Now I don’t even think of you When I am sober
6.
Dancing 03:07
I’m dancing to The song I crashed my car to Feel something new Fall in love with an old tune And I fall back down to Fall away from you And I get back up to Shoot myself into the moon And I try hard I Flirt heavy with life To one day makeout with it I am trying my best Block out the thought of I’m the one you hate And the one you love Conclude with force I can’t be the one you hate And the one you love I can’t be the one you hate And the one that you love I can’t be the one you hate And the one you love
7.
Adam 01:48
In the car with adam on the last day of the tour We talk about rebuilding our childhoods Latches pulled off of the doors I thought about the first girl I kissed Was a girl I wanted to kiss But not the first girl I wanted to kiss Ya know? We were barefoot in the mudpath On the backside of the house If i was a little older I’d hold your hand And not feel any doubt I think about the time that I missed Being a kid feeling like this Feeling like I was in an abyss Right now I think about myself making lists Of how I’m shit God I can be so relentless But at least I’m not afraid anymore I think And I’m dancing in the light With my friends while “I Will Survive” Plays over the P.A and I look Across the room I see the girl I want to kiss But I’m not sure if she wants to kiss But at least I can ask Without feeling like shit
8.
Regret It 04:17
I was amazed You would treat me this way I thought you were a grace Thought you were a saint And now it just hurts To think of you that way Cut my lip on the tip Of the silence you give You admit it’s a presence But you won’t give me napkin For the blood, I thought You’d always stay put And I’m counting down the days I won’t hear your name I’ve had a good year without you But it’s always the same Feeling ashamed, or worse Sorry for the hurt That I never performed But sure I still love you the same Won’t tell you this anyway I don’t care anymore Go and do your own shit The relationship I still pull a thread of it The woman I love The woman I’ll never call again Don’t make me regret it Don’t make me regret it Don’t make me regret it
9.
Checking Up 02:37
Thick snow, I fall down in it slow I retreat to its pillow Snot gets smudged Swept on my cheek No tissue, especially not you You tell me that you’re not Checking up on me But I am the one you think of when You think about the things You’ve done wrong before In your life You call me when you’re out on the road You just met someone reminds you of me And I’ll appear in your shadows And you’ll say I need To think about the things I want before I Kiss your thick light goodbye And all of our guilt Is collectivized in ill written iPhone notes And I do not want you know You are the one I think of when I think about the things That I’ve done wrong before You are the one I think of when I think about the things That I’ve fucked up before In my life
10.
Frost 02:39
This pain in my neck persists since the accident The Vermont license plate I hit Came out apologizing The only way I got to know him Was through a crash and exchange Of insurance information Now I pay for in the physical sense And the literal way My bank statement can relay And the way my foot stomps down On the brake when I feel afraid Kinda similar to the way I am With loving these days I’m not cruising just yet I’ve been alone for two full Rotations of seasons I’ve been Hot and cold I’ve seen frost melt off slow No one on my mind No one to wait for or pine And I’ve been doing just fine I’ve not known love for a long time In my bed in the morning Is when it comes back to haunt I wrap my arms around the air I feel the pain shift to my shoulders I’m aware I might be too good at being alone I might be too good at Closing myself off No one can let me out but myself

credits

released March 5, 2021

Written by Stevie Knipe

Produced by Stevie Knipe and Kyle Pulley
Mixed by Kyle Pulley
Mastered by Ryan Schwabe

Engineered by
Kyle Pulley
Jackie Milestone
Nick “Scoops” Dardaris
Danny Murillo

Assisted by
Hank Byerly
Johanna Baumann
Erik Freedman
Alex Melendez

Recorded at Headroom, Philadelphia
www.headroom.studio

Rhythm Guitar, Keys, Vocals, and Songwriting by Stevie Knipe
Drums and Percussion by Olivia Battell
Lead Guitar by Allegra Eidinger
Bass by Kyle Pulley
Backing Vocals on “Passenger” By Kylie Lotz
Backing Vocals on “Wisconsin” by Emma Witmer
Backing Vocals on “Adam” by Ava Mirzadegan
Backing Vocals on "Regret It" by Clara Zornado
Pedal Steel on “Passenger” and “Frost” by Zena Kay
Synth arpeggio and 808 programming on “Sober” by Luke Volkert
Chorus Guitar on “Sober” by Kyle Pulley

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