1. |
Passenger
03:16
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You’re a passenger in my car But just the pretended parts That I sing to in the dark You’re a lover, I am not
And that’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you
When I started to fall out of love Put my arms out extended
and tried to catch it all
When I finally opened my hands up I’m sorry, I wasn’t fast enough
Do you remember
Your hand on my shoulder
In the car in december Driving to my parent’s house On the cusp of the state line New England to Westchester On the cusp of loving
And resenting each other
I was a passenger in your car And now I’m ghost who won’t Answer a call
I was a lover that you were not And that’s why I left you
That’s why I loved you That’s why I loved you
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2. |
Wisconsin
02:50
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Last night I dreamt
I was still in love with her and
It felt funny, strange, like deja vu
To you again, how weird
Last night our knees kissed
On the couch of your parent’s basement Your arm brushed mine as you Reaching over me to grab your water
What does that mean? Do you want me?
I’ve seen light creep
Out the sides of your eyes At midnight
The other day we drove through Wisconsin and I was not afraid Have you ever seen grass so green I’d like to show you many things
What would it mean
If I did need it? Sometimes I think
That I don’t need it
And then my phone blinks A message from you “Hello again”
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3. |
Breathing
03:14
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I am isolating, I get my communication From an overdue hospital bill
I can’t afford to pay so I hide it
Under a stack of things I’d rather not Yet deal with
I bury into another show Stream into my head and eyes Watch as I die
Touch and go
My finger’s on my pulse
My hands are stretched
Underneath my nose
Watch me fold
My finger’s on the response message Watching the cursor float
I am isolating in every corner of my house It’s not pretty and it feels like I’m locked In myself
Did you expect me to get on my knees
And beg for you? Let’s cut a deal
Let me know
If I’m alive or if I’ve choked
I can’t see your face
So I just go and guess if I’m breathing Touch and go
My finger’s on my pulse
My hands are stretched
Underneath my nose
To see if I’m breathing
I take a step and collapse
I’ll never understand it
I’ll never see you again
Is this the way you planned it?
I am nothing special Just an emotional vessel So covers up
Hide myself
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4. |
Berlin
03:20
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You flee when it’s hard
And I stay put
You say you’re a bird
But you’re flying east for winter And I won’t tell you not to go You won’t hear it anyway
But what are you going towards? Is it something you can’t say?
Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof (x2)
Today marks the 6th year From when I first met you
A stranger gave us a beer
In the hallway of the bathroom And we drank it real slow
I was just tryna get to know you
In the dorm room we sang “Violet” by Hole Screaming off our youth
Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof (x4)
And it’s the sole burden of our excuse The push and pull
The call missed
The waiting room
And if you go at least give me a reason
I will sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof
Sit in the car parked in the dark Hearing rain drop on the roof
You were in the dark of Berlin Watching snow piling
I am in the dark of Berlin’s shadow And I am wallowing
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5. |
Sober
02:57
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You’ve been sober now
For a few days and I bet that it helps You to not send me a text
That says you love me still
The only thing that I’ve done This month is drink beer Masturbate, and ignore Phone calls from you
What else am I supposed to do?
Because the last image of you I remember
Is your hunched over back on the side of the bed Telling me that I shouldn’t leave
And I didn’t wanna lie I guess
When you asked me if I loved you less In the passenger side of my car
So I didn’t respond
And the last image of me you remember
Is my hunched over back on the driver’s side Begging you to get out when you said that You wanted to die
Can’t you see that’s the kind of shit
I can’t be the one to decide?
But if you asked me now, I’d want you alive
It’s a chilling confidence that
I don’t need you anymore
But you knew that, i’m sure
Honesty broke the glass of the bottle That I struck at the door
When I couldn’t do this any longer Now I don’t even think of you When I am sober
Now I don’t even think of you When I am sober
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6. |
Dancing
03:07
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I’m dancing to
The song I crashed my car to Feel something new
Fall in love with an old tune
And I fall back down to
Fall away from you
And I get back up to
Shoot myself into the moon
And I try hard I
Flirt heavy with life
To one day makeout with it I am trying my best
Block out the thought of I’m the one you hate
And the one you love
Conclude with force
I can’t be the one you hate And the one you love
I can’t be the one you hate And the one that you love I can’t be the one you hate And the one you love
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7. |
Adam
01:48
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In the car with adam on the last day of the tour We talk about rebuilding our childhoods Latches pulled off of the doors
I thought about the first girl I kissed Was a girl I wanted to kiss
But not the first girl I wanted to kiss Ya know?
We were barefoot in the mudpath
On the backside of the house
If i was a little older I’d hold your hand And not feel any doubt
I think about the time that I missed Being a kid feeling like this Feeling like I was in an abyss Right now
I think about myself making lists Of how I’m shit
God I can be so relentless
But at least I’m not afraid anymore I think
And I’m dancing in the light
With my friends while “I Will Survive” Plays over the P.A and I look Across the room
I see the girl I want to kiss
But I’m not sure if she wants to kiss
But at least I can ask Without feeling like shit
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8. |
Regret It
04:17
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I was amazed
You would treat me this way I thought you were a grace Thought you were a saint And now it just hurts
To think of you that way
Cut my lip on the tip
Of the silence you give
You admit it’s a presence
But you won’t give me napkin For the blood, I thought You’d always stay put
And I’m counting down the days I won’t hear your name
I’ve had a good year without you But it’s always the same
Feeling ashamed, or worse Sorry for the hurt
That I never performed
But sure
I still love you the same Won’t tell you this anyway
I don’t care anymore
Go and do your own shit
The relationship
I still pull a thread of it
The woman I love
The woman I’ll never call again
Don’t make me regret it Don’t make me regret it Don’t make me regret it
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9. |
Checking Up
02:37
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Thick snow, I fall down in it slow I retreat to its pillow
Snot gets smudged
Swept on my cheek
No tissue, especially not you
You tell me that you’re not Checking up on me
But I am the one you think of when You think about the things
You’ve done wrong before
In your life
You call me when you’re out on the road You just met someone reminds you of me And I’ll appear in your shadows
And you’ll say
I need
To think about the things
I want before I
Kiss your thick light goodbye
And all of our guilt
Is collectivized in ill written iPhone notes
And I do not want you know
You are the one I think of when I think about the things
That I’ve done wrong before You are the one I think of when I think about the things
That I’ve fucked up before In my life
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10. |
Frost
02:39
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This pain in my neck persists since the accident The Vermont license plate I hit
Came out apologizing
The only way I got to know him Was through a crash and exchange Of insurance information
Now I pay for in the physical sense And the literal way
My bank statement can relay
And the way my foot stomps down On the brake when I feel afraid Kinda similar to the way I am
With loving these days
I’m not cruising just yet
I’ve been alone for two full Rotations of seasons
I’ve been
Hot and cold
I’ve seen frost melt off slow
No one on my mind
No one to wait for or pine
And I’ve been doing just fine
I’ve not known love for a long time
In my bed in the morning
Is when it comes back to haunt
I wrap my arms around the air
I feel the pain shift to my shoulders
I’m aware I might be too good at being alone I might be too good at
Closing myself off
No one can let me out but myself
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