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Tiny Engines

Momentary Lapse of Happily

by adult mom

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i wrote this record after 3 consecutive breakups that forced me to become a being other than myself, and soon, i was myself again


released July 31, 2015


all songs written by stephanie knipe

guitar/vox/keys - steph knipe
guitar - bruce hamilton
bass - kt mcmanus/jen sinski
drums - jen sinski/jack tomascak

keys/harmonies - mike dvorscak

engineered, mixed, and recorded by mike dvorscak
mastered by dave eck
released by tiny engines
art by matt van assalt

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Track Name: Be Your Own 3am
I took my shoes off, crawled into bed
Thought I had nothin’ left
I got his number in January, it was so freezing
I am ruined best when I cold

And my love got too old, I was left alone
I just needed someone who would appreciate the growth
And I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed the snow

Now I hold my own hands in crowds of bands and my friends
Jan always says to me, “you gotta be your own 3am”
Track Name: Survival
I don’t know if my mom loves me anymore
She says that I am changing, I am not what she bargained for
I set fire to abusers like a war, I am a terror
but I don’t know what it is I fight for

I cure the pores of my skin I leave no room for anything
I survive because I have died

Just to keep my head afloat and my body unprovoked
I set up walls but make sure to include windows

And I cure the pores of my skin I leave no room for anything
I survive because I have died

And maybe in a year, I will learn to love the fear
And maybe in a year, I will not feel like a bad queer
Track Name: 2012
In your car again, I start to cry
I hide under my coat, I smell your old spice
On my back again, I wanna fuckin’ die
I wipe your sweat off my skin it’s the same every time

You say, “please don’t leave me. I will leave this earth unhappy”
So I shut my eyes and supply

Erect a shrine of my selfless life
You cut out my insides and I will hide the knife
All I want is to be loved so nice
You hurt me the same every day and I’ll apologize

You say, “please don’t leave me. I will leave this earth unhappy”
So I shut my eyes and supply

One day I’ll set fire to your car
Wreck the sheets I once was fond off
And maybe you will be gone too.
Track Name: Told Ya So
Has anyone ever told you it is okay to cry?
Has anyone ever told you if I miss you I won’t die?
Has anyone ever felt you, really felt you with their eyes?
Have you ever felt reality in someone’s hair but said goodbye?

And it is okay to feel the world!
It is okay to kiss girls!

I spent years ashamed of myself
Scared to cut the bad shit out of my life
Cuz what is left when the bad is gone?
I thought I’d be alone with no reason why

And it is okay to feel doubt!
But just know you’re gonna find a way out!

Track Name: Sorry I Was Sorry
Sorry for asking you to love me more
Guess I’ve become the burden I was so fearful of before
Never asking you to make me frozen mac n’ cheese
Never asking to sleep in your bed unless you begged me “please”

Sorry for writing all those love songs for you
Is that suffocating to you too?
Guess I’ll throw out my valentine’s if that’s the only thing to do
You’ll fish out the one’s you like
But I bet my words would be misconstrued

Sorry we couldn’t work it out, and I couldn’t help to want you
Sorry you were cozy in a place of not wanting me too

What else am I to do?
Track Name: Sun Theory
I know I can never make up my mind
Half the time I’m sick just tryna find a straight light

And I thought I saw the light
Behind your glassy narrow eyes

Fall fell and the weight came crashing down
Half the year I spent trying to relieve myself

And I thought your hands were warmth
Something to fix my freezing form
But I soon realized again it was just poor circulation

And I thought I saw the light
Behind your glassy narrow eyes
But I soon found it to be brewin slowly inside of me
Track Name: What's Another Lipstick Mark
Success is finding a seat on a crowded subway
And not getting lipstick on my apple when I take a bite, say
I shouldn’t beat myself up over some added red pigment, say
I shouldn’t miss everyone as much I do and, hey

I’ve been seeing older version of my friends in places today
But they’re distant and further away on crowded subways

My stomach feels sick when I think of all the things I’ve messed up
It is exhausting to feel like you’re bad at everything
What is success if you’re just feeling like it all sucks?

I guess I’ll try again?
Try to find some meaning in this plan

I guess success is finding a seat on a crowded subway
So I’ll wipe the lipstick off my apple and sit comfortably
Track Name: Sincerely Yours, Truly
You know you broke the rules, you know you were very cruel
Somehow you felt you were going to fall in love with me,


Bullshit, I’m not some fantasy
But you keep saying that you miss me
I can’t accept that you were going to fall in love at all

I know I’m acting tough
The truth is that I am not
I still have dreams of us
and now I don’t want love at all.
Track Name: Laying On My Floor
I guess I shoulda known it was gonna happen this way
I should have never called you up in the first place
And I guess my head’s always spinnin’ in the same way
And I guess I will just be sad today.


And my dad says, “why do you always fight, for love that always bites?”


He only loved me when I looked away
My neck hurts from keeping it that way

He only loved me when I looked away
and I close my eyes and hope that I never do the same
Track Name: Meg Ryan
See me in movies, I am not real to you
See me in postcards, in pictures I exist to you

Well, I see you sometimes when I’m with the kids
I see you with a juice box screamin’ that you miss me

I can only move on but I won’t let go of what we did
I can only say that I’m sorry you were acting like such a kid

But I see you sometimes when I am alone
And I think about callin’ you on my phone
Maybe I just need another smoke
Something else that’ll surely make me choke
Instead of hearing that you miss me

Well, I’m sorry! You put me on leave.
Track Name: Wake
I wake to empty space in my head
Well if I cried and I tried to feel fed
Tell me, would you love me instead of getting lower in your head?

Just know, if I ever think of you
Oh I do not, no I do not want to

and If I slept without you then
I can surely do it again
and If you let me go then
You will surely do it again.
Track Name: When You Are Happy
I was lookin’ up at a tree in my view
Thinkin’ “how long did it get there?” aooh

It was tall and strong and I was thinkin’ about you
Hope you grow too, I hope you grow too!

And when you go on down south
Remember that I tried real hard to shut my mouth
And when you are in a sunny room
The warmth expands and soon it hits you

I hope you think of me too, aooh
And like the sun I will grow too!
I hope you think of me too, aooh
and I will grow like you, I will grow like you

I was thinkin’ about a song that once said
“when you are happy and the sun is smilin’
over the trees that you think of me, in times of peace
in times of peace.”

I hope you think of me too, aooh
And I will grow like you, I will grow like you
And we will get there soon, we will get there soon
And I will grow like you, I will grow like you
Track Name: Lose/Recover
Had a dream I was underground
To a point, I stopped trying to get found
Clawed my way out and filled the hole
With flower seeds and much richer soil

Looked at myself closely in the mirror
Took the dark parts out that were causing this fever
Replaced them with one large oak seed
Realized then I was just trying to get green

Yeah I lost love, love does what it does
Thought I lost me, but there I was!

Thought I lost me, but it came to be
A momentary lapse of happil